Number 9 - Health is merely the slowest possible rate
at which one can die.

Number 8 - Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If
you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich!

Number 7 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for
a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

Number 6 - Some people are like a Slinky.....not
really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Number 5 - Health nuts are going to feel stupid
someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Number 4 - All of us could take a lesson from the
weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 3 - Why does a slight tax increase cost you two
hundred dollars a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

Number 2 - In the 60's, people took acid to make the
world weird. Now the
world is weird and people take Prozac to make it
normal.

AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT FOR 2005:

We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease is
located among the millions and millions of cows in America but we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.